The Worst thing about Being Me?

What kind of fuckin' question is that? Ain't nothin' wrong with being me. I enjoy every part of me, so I ain't right sure why I need to have a worst thing. But to answer the question that somebody done asked, I'll say, "I ain't got a fuckin' clue." I downright enjoy myself. 

Stacy Stewart, the mayor's wife, is getting her certification. Remember I told y'all she's always in here reading self-help books? Well, she already gots her psychology degree, so now she's going back to school to get her certification going. She'll soon be opening "The Couch" somewhere here in Prairie Springs. She hasn't set her fees yet, but I don't reckon I'll have the time or the money to go. Ain't no use trying to go get somethin' fixed that ain't broken. And if somethin' is broken, I don't wanna know about it. But there are some other folks around town that could sure use a couch for an hour. Hell, there are some who could use a sofa-bed.

In other news, Maxine and Luciano still haven't set a date, but Maxine's wearing her ring proudly. The INS hadn't been back in here, and I doubt they'll be back. You don't wanna mess with a 91 y.o. who owns guns. A lifetime sentence for me would be pretty damn short.

While I'm on the subject of foreigners, I hear they're thinking of building a big wall between here and Mexico. My question is who's gonna build it? The Mexicans are the ones who build the roads we drive on and I ain't never seen the INS arrest a highway construction crew. I suspect the Mexicans will also build the wall and at the very end there will be a little hole for them to crawl through when their work is finished. That just don't make any sense, but I bet my bottom dollar that what's going to happen. I asked Luciano why he don't become a citizen and he told me it takes over ten years. It ain't no wonder there are so many illegal people. Maybe Maxine should go teach them how to use the computer at the citizenship place. 

I got me a purple wig. Now, don't go thinkin' I've lost my marbles. I only wear it on Friday and when we have special meetings here. I think it looks right fine on me. Today I ain't wearing it, cause today ain't Friday and there ain't no special meetin', but I'm all for spicing up dull routines. When The Tonight Show calls back, at least I'll have my new wig to sport about. I'll look right fancy strutting up and down Rodeo Drive in it. 

Speaking of colors, I see Constance coming across the parking lot in her turquoise getup. I doubt she's coming for caffeine, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I gotta go back to work. 

Keep the questions coming in. 

All my love, 

Edwina Collins